


If Not For Numbers, But For The Sake Of The Heart

by Chychyd



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Light Angst, M/M, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, Steve Rogers & Sam Wilson Friendship, sad Steve Rogers, sam just wants steve to be happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-09
Updated: 2017-02-09
Packaged: 2018-09-23 01:30:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9634742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chychyd/pseuds/Chychyd
Summary: “After everything he’s become. Everything he’s done? Does he still make you happy? Or are you chasing a memory, Steve? Because who is he if he’s not the one you’re really chasing?”“He’s still Bucky. He’s not the same man, Sam. I know that. But he’s hurt. He’s confused. He needs someone to help him. Who am I if I’m not the guy who helps people. Be damned if they asked for it or not.”A small one shot about Sam and Steve on their search to find Bucky after the events of CATWS.





	

They sat in the dusty motel in silence. It had been a long day. A long week, actually. Almost non-stop driving, swip-swapping the driver’s seat so the other could get some rest; although Sam wasn’t sure Steve has actually slept at all in the last month, but he’d be sure to take the driver’s seat every few hours anyways. Can’t say he didn’t try.

But now, they were both worn to the bone. The kind of tired that was going to need a hell of a lot more sleep than the next six hours on this thin mattress and scratchy sheets were going to do.

Numbers began to seem worthless to Sam now. The many miles they travelled, the number of motels they’ve stopped at. How many times have they fueled up this truck? How many vehicles have they gone through before this one?

It was evident to Sam that numbers have been worthless to Steve since the beginning. Not miles, not cars, not crappy motel beds and sure as hell not the amount of years this mystery man had been gone and the unknown amount of years Steve and Sam were going to spend searching for him.

“When I asked you,” Sam began, stretched out on his bed on one side of the motel room. Steve made an acknowledging noise. “back at the VA, before all this started. When I asked you, what made you happy, It was him wasn’t it?” The lights were dim but Sam could make out the harsh lines of Steve’s face perfectly. The dark circles that never seemed to leave, the frown that threatened to blemish his ‘perfect’ demeanor.

“Yeah.” He breathed after a long minute, still staring up at the ceiling. Sam watched Steve chest heave a heavy breath and listen to it leave shaky. “It was always him.”

The room felt lighter after that. Like they’d just open the windows and freed the room of all its dust, dirt, and secrets.

“When you asked,” Steve began out of nowhere a few minutes into the silence. “I tried to think of anything else. God, I went through a million different things, a million-different people in my head.” Steve’s hand dropped heavily beside him from where it had been in the air, tracing an idea only Steve could make out.

“Suddenly all the things in my life that I thought about, I realized not a single damn one made me happy. The only thing that I could actually say, 100 percent ever made me happy, was him. It was Bucky. But he was gone. So, he couldn’t make me happy, right? But he still did. Every picture of him. Every time I fucking, _thought_ of him. It made me happy.”

Sam had turned to watch his friend as he spoke. The way his body was rigid and turned into itself. It was a form that Sam didn’t know if Steve would let anyone else see. So

Small.

Vulnerable.

“Does he still?” The thought that so long lingered in Sam’s mind slipped. “After everything he’s become. Everything he’s done? Does he still make you happy? Or are you chasing a memory, Steve? Because who is he if he’s not the one you’re really chasing?”

“My friend.” The word came without conscious thought. “He’s still Bucky. He’s not the same man, Sam. I know that. But he’s hurt. He’s confused. He needs someone to help him. Who am I if I’m not the guy who helps people. Be damned if they asked for it or not.”

That wasn’t really a position he could argue. Anyone who knew Steve Rogers knew that’s what he did. He helped people. He fought for what was right and that was that. Rules and laws be damned.

And Sam Wilson knew from the moment Natasha handed Steve that file that he was going to be right here with him. He didn’t sign up for numbers. He signed up for Steve Rogers god damned happiness. And who was he, if he’s not the guy to try to make that happen?


End file.
